Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
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I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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