3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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