I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I did not marry a roomba.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize