He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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