I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize