No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize