when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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