Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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