I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize