I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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