im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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