standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize