I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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