Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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