I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize