i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize