I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
honey bunches of taint.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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