It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
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I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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