I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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