so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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