yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize