xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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