I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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