Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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