I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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