Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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