I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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