dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize