My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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