I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
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With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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