made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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