Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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