I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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