Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
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Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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