If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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