What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize