I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
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There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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