To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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