2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there's paper in my vomit.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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