i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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