you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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