Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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should my penis look like a turkey
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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