thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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