the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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