I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
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i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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