I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
not ubering you a puppy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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