dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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