The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize