It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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