i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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