My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize