Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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